True Colors

I am reposting this from a post I posted on FB earlier today. I heard this song last night and was thinking about my true colors and those of the people around me. I often try to see past the surface to the being within. I’m looking for those true colors. So my QotD is the entire song from Cyndi Lauper “True Colors” mainly “I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you, so do…n’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors, true colors are beautiful like a rainbow” Who loves you despite of or because of your true colors?

There are so many people afraid to be themselves to show their true colors. What would the world be like if the masks where gone and the lies set aside? How about this, lets go the other way. What if everyone was the same? Did the same things, thought the same thoughts? We’d be back in the stone age. The people who live their true colors change the world. Imagine.

The world would be such a boring place that way. Now, I’m not advocating complete non-conformism just letting the inner you shine forth.

Gifts for Yourself and Others: Listening with More Than Your Ears

Last week I was donating blood at the American Red Cross. If you’ve ever given blood you know that you have to spend 10 or 15 minutes at a refreshment area. Boosting your blood sugar back up I guess. At any rate, I am used to giving blood at campus organized events. They’re usually teaming with student volunteers eagerly looking for something  to do and someone to help. On the day I donated at the red cross building I noticed that most of the volunteers were elderly ladies. I gave a double red blood cell donation for the first time and I was very cold from the saline they send back through your veins. Looking forward to something toasty I dutifully went over to the refreshment area.

There was only one elderly lady there talking to some others who had also just given blood. I made a b-line straight for the hot chocolate machine. Just as my hand touched a cup the lady piped up with a “I’ll get that for you. You just have a seat”. Of course me being raised to respect my elders was instantly offended by the idea that she would serve me when obviously  it should be the other way arround. So I opened my mouth to indicate that she shouldn’t worry and that I was ok to get it myself and nothing came out. For awhile now I have been keeping myself open to the energy of others and as I turned to her I felt her anxiousness.  Now as I was laying on my bed being poked with a needle – and carefully not looking by the way - and hooked up to tubes, I was watching another elderly lady at the check-in area and thinking that she must feel good being out of the house and engaged in a useful and meaningful activity. I hope when I am her age that I am not sitting at home in front of the tv all but forgotten and alone. So why was I giving the refreshment lady grief?

I decided to sit down and shut up and be grateful. This was my gift to myself. My gift to her was listening not only to her words but to her non verbal message as well. This was important to her and I was dismissing that by not allowing her to take care of me. All of that passed between us in one moment of eye-contact but it was very clear.

You don’t just have five senses. There are many other non-physical senses that we take for granted. This was empathy. It’s a skill I have been trying to develop and control since I have it in spades.  I urge you to hone those other senses. I honestly believe it will help you in building and maintaining relationships in addition to strengthening your awareness.)O(

The Truth Can Cut. Dull the Blade?

Is it ok to be 100 percent honest all the time? If not, when is it ok.  I have come to the conclusion that you must always be honest. There are only times when you should withhold to spare the other but never to lie. That includes white lies. For childrens games such as the bunny, the fairy, and the jolly guy yeah maybe. Thats make belive. There should always be magic. But for relationships there should always be truth.

The truth hurts. It can cut with a precision blade. I know this from experience. I also know that the not hearing the trusth can hurt. Even more important not accepting the thruth can be even more painful in the long run. Lies hurt those who tell them and those who receive them. Remember the boy and the wolf?

In every relationship you can not be truly open unless you are acknowledging the truth. This includes the relationship you have with yourself. Harsh but true.

The Law of Subjective Observation

I’ve noticed that there are things you observe only when you have some reference to it. For example you buy a new car and immediately start seeing that make and model in all sorts of colors. But those cars were there before! Well yeah! The only thing that’s changed is that you’re frame of reference shifted and your no longer filtering those cars out.

I think we’re wired to parse information based on that frame of reference. Otherwise we might be inundated or overloaded with information. Makes since right?

So how does this apply when you’re dealing with people? Is there a law of subjective empathy? Can you have understanding of what someone is feeling if you haven’t felt it yourself? Well yes – to some degree – that’s what empathy means. (the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another). You can imagine how someone might feel. But if you’ve truly experienced what that other person has then you have a much greater understanding. “The burned hand teaches best.”